Alrighty - Sometimes I wonder how much convincing I have to do to realize that it's a blessing. A few semesters ago I learned of the "Hindsight" Theory. Just about everyone tested would say (After the event happened) "I KNEW that was going to happen!" But, you never REALLY know. You have a suspicion, but it could go either way... and regardless of the way things turn out - your mind has already planned for that event (And multiple outcomes as well) ... so, naturally you say something like "I Just KNEW that was going to happen". Hindsight phenomenon.
Darrell has been having a HECK of a time at school. But, Darrell is my sensitive little man - I don't think that he knows how to be malicious. I have seen him be mean, and then he will turn right around and be all guilt ridden for it. It bothers me on one hand, because I see him being the one that gets picked on, walked on, and I can see him ending up with an overpowering woman who doesn't respect his gentle nature. But, I also wouldn't want him to turn into a bully. I love him how he is, but I worry.
Back to school - he's just having a hard time. He's the youngest (5) in the first grade. And he is at a Montessori school as well. That means that 1st - 3rd graders are in the same classroom together. This means that there is extra "Picking" at school. I know, from being in psychology, that it takes 6-8 weeks for things to settle down and kids to realize that it doesn't really matter what the other kids are saying or doing, they have their own clicks and friends and they don't care about the other groups. But, Darrell is A) the only first grader (Right now) and B) the youngest.
This is such a hard decision... to keep him at a place where he's not happy. But, I know that as he grows up, if I move him back now I will be doing 2 things. 1) I will be showing him that it's alright to give up and back down. and 2) He's smart - so, he will get bored if I put him in K again... and that means that he will become a trouble maker... not just now, but in the future as well. His dad was bored, and a trouble maker... I got bored, and got myself into trouble... and Rick was bored , and was a trouble maker... So, thinking ahead - planning ahead - we've made the tough decision to keep him in the 1st grade, even though he's all sorts of upset about it right now.
So, how is this my "God Moment"... well, Just after I talked to him and his teacher this morning, I walked out to my car. I sat in my car and I cried - it was so tough to see his eyes well up with tears and plead with me to not have to go through the mean first grade... And I realized that he can do this. I know that he can. He's smart and kind, and I know that this will help him to learn so many things. I don't want him to be hurt - I don't want him to be picked on - but this experience will help him, and I know it.
That is how Heavenly father usually works with me - he gives me something that I feel I just can't handle, and somehow I make it through... and it really does turn out allright in the end. So, if Heavenly Father is our parent - then I guess that as a Parent, if I have to do something tough, that I don't necessarily want to do - By my being strong, Darrell will become stronger too...
Boy - I sure hope that this blessing pans out fast... because I just feel so sad that I had to leave him there today... all teary and pleading for me not to. I know it's right... but it's just so tough.
PS: Ais - Yesterday at your house, this is what was wrong with him. He didn't want to play because he was truly having a bad day. I just hope we can get him to a point where he handles stuff like this better... (sigh)... let the games begin.
